How do you say "rip off" in French? Restaurant review of Bistro Elan

Restaurant: Bistro Elan
Location: 448 South California Avenue, Palo Alto CA
Style of cuisine: French
Price: Highway robbery
Vegetarian options: Chanterelle Pancakes for $13, Sautéed Broccoli for $9.75, Chilled Cucumber Soup for $9.75
Website: Bistro Elan

Nobody loves a good French restaurant more than me. After consuming copious amounts of French cooking I want nothing more than to lie down beside my table in the restaurant and fall asleep. My wife can confirm that I've tried to do this on more than one occasion. Which is why I was so disappointed with my experience at Bistro Elan. Bistro Elan is a well established, well reviewed restaurant that serves incredibly bad food at incredibly high prices. We waited so long in-between courses that we almost nodded off from sheer boredom. It would have been the first time I ever fell asleep in a restaurant from something other than contentment.

Just in case you, too, would like to have your wallet drained for no good reason, here is what the amuse-bouche looks like at Bistro Elan:



Here is the Chilled Cucumber Soup. This was one the bright spot in the entire meal. It was the perfect balance of dill, garlic, sour cream, yogurt and cucumber. Why didn't the guy that cooked the soup have access to the rest of my meal? Did he cook the soup in the attic or something? They really should let him wander around the kitchen and see the atrocities that are being committed.



This is what happens to Puttanesca sauce when you don't know how to make Puttanesca sauce (allegedly). It had the consistency and flavor of water in a bowl. Also, the clams had sand in them and the shrimp were overcooked.



This is the toughest, hardest-to-chew steak on all of California Avenue. The bright orange goo on top is an overbearing mustard concoction that attempted to seize control of my steak and march it off a cliff. I wish it had.



And this is a diner actually weeping upon receipt of the bill:



Refrigerator rating: 6 yums (out of a possible 10), mainly for the technical level that was attempted and the one instance in which it was reached